When did I become a threat to others? Why would someone want so desperately to take me down – from a character perspective? I know that it’s more about their own insecurity than about me personally, but it still causes me pause. Is their own life so miserable that their only satisfaction comes from trying to prove that I’m a terrible, horrible person? So it seems. I am not thinking about one person in particular as there have been several in my life that seem fixed on calling my life into question, at minimum, or full-on character assignation at the extreme end of the specrturm.
I find it an interesting study in human behavior when other people seem to attack you purely out of their own insecurities and dissatisfaction with their personal life. I’ve seen articles that say that women tend to do this to each other often – clawing to the top by bringing other women down. While I can’t say that I’ve always seen this behavior in just women, it does seem to be true. It seems that in order to make myself feel better, I need to take someone else down. As if life is a pie, and if your piece is bigger than mine, I need to somehow make up for it. It’s sad and the whole issue of looking at life through a vision of abundance versus scarcity comes to mind. Why can’t we celebrate the success of others, instead of looking at it as if your success means that I have somehow failed, or it is taking away from my ability to be successful? It’s the old adage that if you win, then I must be losing. As if my achievements somehow negate or devalue someone else’s.
Be that as it may, I continue – whether others approve or not. I am still here, and I am happy, satisfied with my life and pressing on, come what may. My life is not designed to be for anyone else. It is what I make of it, or what God intends, and I do not conform to society’s expectations. Certainly, I am not aligned to the whole American dream; and that’s ok, right? No, of course not. I am an afront to everything that Americans hold dear. I do not own a home, nor do I aspire to own property. The idea of possessing the land or a structure holds no attraction to me. I don’t drive a fancy car, and prefer walking over driving any day of the week. Apparently, this makes me un-American – so be it. I have no patience with the car-driving culture of this country and the material possessions which drive it. I have no great desire to be the white suburban housewife. And, with that, I have alienated most of the population in this country. Does this make me a threat? If it does, then that’s their issue, not mine. Or, that’s what you’d think, but even though we profess to be a country of freedom of expression, it has been proven time after time that this country is not at all interested in non-conformity. We value differences only insofar as they align with what’s acceptable within our definition of appropriate non-conformance. Otherwise, you are ‘different,’ ‘other’ or at minimum highly suspicious.
Does this discourage me? No, but only because I am fortunate enough to not be swayed by what others think of me. I have the ability to shrug them off and do as I feel. I am not required to agree or to conform since I have both the financial security and the fortitude to ignore those around me that question my motives or my behavior. I am my own person and there is nothing that requires me to pretend to be something else. For that, I am grateful. I am saddened that it’s not true for everyone, and even more so that there are those that seem intent on proving me wrong. So much wasted energy trying to demonstrate to me that my life is not acceptable. It’s too bad that I couldn’t care less about whether others approve of me or not. Though, maybe it makes them feel better – self-righteous and all that; well, more power to them. I try not to give them too much thought, but in the end, I come away feeling truly sorry for them – they clearly don’t have enough to do with their time, or perhaps, they are so miserable they need somewhere to channel the misery.
